I am back here, again. Tired, worried, scared, not understanding, doubting, and scared about doubting. Worse still, I don't want to feel this way. I want to be happy. I want to thank God for today, a day that marks my entry into this world. I want to appreciate this Holy week. I want to feel the joy of Easter. I really do. But I am not. And I am scared that I might not make it back this time. That I may not feel that joy of salvation again.
I am too weak. Too weak, Lord. I need You. You are not the bad guy here, Lord. I am. Somehow, I must be doing something wrong. I must be...no, I know I am doing something wrong. I am holding on. To everything but You.
But I wanna hold You, Daddy. Jesus, I want You. Will You help me?